Cure What Ails Ya
by Kagedtiger
Summary: Short House x Wilson slash piece, about them getting together.


Cure What Ails Ya 

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**Notes/Disclaimer: I always thought that if House and Wilson ever really got together, it would probably involve a lot of yelling and freaking, as well as snarkiness. Maybe not exactly like this, but it's currently my best shot. This is a very difficult couple to do in-character. **

**Also, I do not own _House M.D._ or any of the characters. **  
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"She broke up with you, didn't she?" said House, without looking up from his Gameboy.

Wilson paused, the folder in his hand hovering inches above the surface of House's desk. "Huh?"

"Your new girlfriend. Nurse what's-her-boobs from the clinic. She dumped you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Wilson in an annoyed voice. "Here are your test results." He dropped the folder on House's desk and started to walk out of the office.

"Don't try to pretend you're not depressed," said House, clicking off the game and putting it on top of the test results folder before leaning back in his chair. "You're wearing your happy face tie. You only ever wear that when something's seriously wrong."

"I like this tie," Wilson muttered, but he stopped walking and turned back towards House. "How did you know I was seeing Nurse Keen?"

House rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding? I always know. You are incapable of hiding things from me. I am the all-knowing, all-seeing House. Bow down before me."

Wilson gave him a skeptical look.

"I saw you two making out in the break room," House elaborated.

Wilson nodded, looking resigned.

"Honestly?" said House, arching an eyebrow. "Use less tongue. You look like an anteater."

Wilson closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of nose. "Are you done mocking me yet? Can I go now?"

"Just as well she dumped you." House put his feet on the desk. "It wouldn't have worked out anyway. I would ask you what the hell you were thinking, but I know you weren't."

Wilson paused, looking like he was trying to decide between being stunned, amused, or offended, and was leaning towards offended. "I don't know where you get off criticizing my relationships," he said. "I'm divorced, yet again. I'm not allowed to move on with my life and start dating again?"

"Dating?" House affected surprise. "Is that what you call that?"

Wilson sighed. "So maybe I was fooling around a little. It's not a crime."

"If it was just fooling around, it wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. You were having an affair, only you're divorced now, so you don't have anyone's back to do it behind."

"I was not having an affair!" Wilson protested.

House raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Oh? Because if you're planning to start dating again, she was just perfect for you. Really."

Wilson was growing steadily more annoyed. "So I made a bad decision!"

"You have a history of that where relationships are concerned," said House.

"I'm not perfect! No one is, House, not even you."

House ignored his reply. "For every illness, there is a cause. Do you know what the cause of your illness is, Wilson?"

"No," Wilson ground out, exasperated, "but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"You're desperately in love with me," said House matter-of-factly.

For a moment, Wilson stood completely still and stared open-mouthed at House. The sheer audacity of that statement had shocked him into silence. "_Excuse_ me?"

"You're in love with me," House repeated calmly.

Wilson blinked, threw up his hand, opened his mouth to say something, closed it, paced halfway across the room, turned to House, opened his mouth again, closed it again, started to turn, then turned back and said, "Well, you're wrong. Because I hate you." He turned and strode toward the door.

"You may hate me," House called after him as he left, "but I'm never wrong."

It so happened that House did not see Wilson again until three days later. It wasn't necessarily that Wilson had been avoiding him; there had been a conference, and necessary duties, and there were of course times when they didn't run into each other. It could have been just coincidence that they missed each other. But three days later and the number of coincidences was starting to become suspect.

House was once again seated at his desk, going over the test results Wilson had brought him for the umpteenth time, hoping that maybe this time they'd say something else, or he'd see something that he missed, when Wilson burst through the door, his white jacket flying behind him. He stood in the center of the room for a few seconds, breathing hard.

Looking at him curiously, House closed the folder and stood up, intending to go over to him. Before he could manage this, however, Wilson stormed over to his side, grabbed his face in both hands, and kissed him harshly.

"I _hate_ you!" Wilson said when they broke apart.

House smirked. "I told you so."

"How did you know, House? How do you _always_ know?"

House shrugged. "My specialty is diagnosis. I read the symptoms. All your relationships have failed. Know what they have in common? You. Know who you spend all your time with, even holidays that you're supposed to spend with family and loved ones?"

Wilson groaned. "You are a terrible human being, House."

"Terrible," House agreed, "but very astute. And right. Don't forget that I was right."

Wilson took a step backwards, staring at the ground. "So what now?" he asked. "Now that you know, and I know. Where do we go from here? What do we do about it?"

"Well," said House dryly, "you could always bring me flowers and chocolates."

For a split second, Wilson thought he was serious, until he looked up. He scowled at House. "Would it kill you to consider someone else's feelings for once in your life?" he said unhappily.

"Why start now?" House quipped, but he relented when he saw the tired expression on Wilson's face. "Alright, alright. Well, as you may or may not know, I just happen to be single right now."

Wilson looked incredulous. "You… you're not serious. You're actually suggesting we try this? Have you gone _mad_?"

House shrugged. "Why not? You want it. I want it."

"Why not? Why NOT? Be-" Wilson cut himself off abruptly mid-rant. "You want it?"

House shrugged again. "I'm willing to try it. Heck, if I can't stand you and have to dump you, at least I'll know I won't be the first. I can even get tips from Nurse Keenboobs."

Wilson said nothing, and frowned at him.

"Who do you think I spend all my holidays with?" House said finally. "Do the math."

"This is a terrible idea," said Wilson.

"Probably," House agreed, and, since he was right there, kissed him.

"I mean it," said Wilson when they parted. "A really terrible idea."

"That's entirely possible," House agreed again, "but then, you don't exactly have the best track record for knowing what's good for you in a relationship."

"Fair enough," Wilson conceded.

"We giving this a go, then?" asked House.

"Might as well," said Wilson with a sigh. "God knows if I've been able to put up with you for this long, it can't get much worse."

"You'd be surprised," said House philosophically.

Wilson chuckled. He sounded exhausted. "I'm really going to regret this, aren't I?" he asked.

"We'll see," said House. "I'm a pretty good doctor. I usually know a cure when I see one."

- THE END -

Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or  
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author.


End file.
